Luck Be a Tramp
I’m anti-lucky.
I don’t mean unlucky.
It just seems that every bad omen for other people tends to be lucky for me.
For example, my lucky number is 13.
Friday the 13th. . . .always a really good day for me.
Chain letters/emails. . .If I forward them bad things tend to happen.
If I read all of the warnings and ignore them, good luck usually follows.
What’s your sign? My relationships where the zodiac said we were supposed to be compatible, guess again. With one girlfriend, our Chinese signs, zodiac signs, numerology, everything, said we were perfectly meant for each other. Well, the stars were full of crap. Horrorscope pretty well sums it up.
Stock market falls. . .I get a bonus. Stocks go up, so does my rent.
Lucky Charms. . .never any good (well, except with milk on Sat morning).
Even getting hit with bird bombs (4 times), while actually unlucky itself, always leads to something phenomenally great happening.
So if you see me strolling along in the rain, covered in bird crap, with a big grin on my face. . . .well, it’s probably Friday the 13th, I’ve met a completely incompatible girl, and received 1,000 threatening chain emails. (Oh, you might want to sell your stocks too.)
Yep, I think I’ll go open an umbrella inside, smash a few mirrors with it, make sure to knock over the salt and follow a black cat under a ladder while stepping on the cracks.
Oh! Look. . .a tails up penny!
I don’t mean unlucky.
It just seems that every bad omen for other people tends to be lucky for me.
For example, my lucky number is 13.
Friday the 13th. . . .always a really good day for me.
Chain letters/emails. . .If I forward them bad things tend to happen.
If I read all of the warnings and ignore them, good luck usually follows.
What’s your sign? My relationships where the zodiac said we were supposed to be compatible, guess again. With one girlfriend, our Chinese signs, zodiac signs, numerology, everything, said we were perfectly meant for each other. Well, the stars were full of crap. Horrorscope pretty well sums it up.
Stock market falls. . .I get a bonus. Stocks go up, so does my rent.
Lucky Charms. . .never any good (well, except with milk on Sat morning).
Even getting hit with bird bombs (4 times), while actually unlucky itself, always leads to something phenomenally great happening.
So if you see me strolling along in the rain, covered in bird crap, with a big grin on my face. . . .well, it’s probably Friday the 13th, I’ve met a completely incompatible girl, and received 1,000 threatening chain emails. (Oh, you might want to sell your stocks too.)
Yep, I think I’ll go open an umbrella inside, smash a few mirrors with it, make sure to knock over the salt and follow a black cat under a ladder while stepping on the cracks.
Oh! Look. . .a tails up penny!
posted by -DPW at 4:16 PM
3 Comments:
Ordering up some Sinatra:
A lady dosen't leave her escort
It isn't fair, it isn't nice
A lady doesn't wander all over the room
And blow on some other guy's dice.
With a side of Cake:
The land of race car ya-yas.
The land where you can't change lanes.
The land where large, fuzzy dice
Still hang proudly
Like testicles from rear-view mirrors.
While I don't have any documenation to back this up, I've heard somewhere of a Chinese superstition that avian fecal matter deposited on one's head brings good luck.
Well, after a little research I've discovered that "Fu" is a Chinese word for luck. So the mystical "Fu Bird" always drops good fortune.
So I say,
If the Fu shits, wear it.
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