Brain Robber

The Quest

2007-06-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

I’m 36 years old and have finally lost my virginity.

Despite what you might think I am not an overweight, glasses wearing, Nintendo playing, engineering Dilbert. I switched to contacts in 1990.

At about the age of 9 I received “the talk” with all of the standard dogma concerning sex. “When a man and woman love each other very very much. . . .blush, giggle, snicker.” So I found out all about the birds, the bees and inserting Tab “A” into Slot “B”. This also cleared up the confusion I had concerning our horses insisting on playing unsuccessful games of leap-frog. One point above all others was pounded into my curious little melon, “NO sex before marriage!”

I was content with this explanation for a couple of years until I found my father’s collection of magazines. Apparently Tab “A” and Slot “B” was just the Ikea version of sex. There’s a whole Ethan Allen world of interesting variations out there!

Thus with my curiosity and my pants peaked, I started out on my quest for knowledge of all things sexual. Foolish young Jedi. . . . er, country boy. For the next 13 years, I studied everything I could find out about the subject. During this time I realized that there are some very strange folks out there, but as long as nobody asked me personally to put on a saddle or wear a giant diaper, I wouldn’t have to sock anyone in the nose.

So I found myself at age 25 with hundreds of hours of education, but no feeled work. I began to understand that sex is a lot like baseball. You can read all the books in the world, but until you step up to the plate you don’t know if you can swing the bat. Curiosity kept trying to get me off the bench and into the game.

Unfortunately my curiosity suffered like the “whack-a-mole” game at the fair. Every time it tried to raise its little head it was smacked with a sledgehammer of guilt. My upbringing kept getting in the way. I had even made it through four years overseas military duty with my virginity intact. After all, I was saving myself for marriage. Nobody bothered to tell me that marriage didn’t want me.
I finally met a very nice young lady who was more than happy to help me with my little dilemma. She was the perfect girl for the job, morel less. I was quite excited about the coming event. Ahem.

One brisk evening in October, she seduced me. I was a very agreeable seducee I might add and during the duration of one song on the alarm clock radio I experienced this phenomenon call sex. This event that I’d waited 25 years for. The most amazing, mind blowing, life changing thing ever and it was. . . . . . . . .Okay.

I couldn’t figure out what in the world all the fuss was about. I’d waited 25 years for this!? Sure it was pleasant, but so is beer and pizza. It was very disappointing after all of the hype. I thought about suing for false advertising. Not too much later we broke up and I went on my un-married way.

A few years later I met another woman and after an appropriate period of time we jumped into the sexual arena for my second bout with coitus. While more vigorous than I remembered, it was still the same outcome. I was down after the first round. The unexpected side effect of this relationship was the critique after each match. I kept expecting her to record it so we could do break downs later. “See right there? You bobbed when you should have weaved.” I cudda been a contender if not for a female Burgess Meredith.in my corner.

Shortly after the break up, I met the woman who changed everything. We became best friends over a period of years and finally became romantically involved. We took things very slow. However, when it finally happened, my whole world changed. THIS was the mind altering, amazing thing everyone was talking about! I finally understood that losing your virginity isn’t about having sex the first time, it’s about sharing love for the first time. All those books and the answer was in the very first lesson: “When a man and woman love each other very much. . . “

I’m 36 years old and have finally lost my virginity. It was worth the wait.

Undressed Stress

2007-06-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

Only I can get stressed out at a strip club.

I think it started the first time I went to a female revue when I was in the military. I was a bit of late bloomer and convinced I couldn’t get laid in a women’s prison if I had a handful of pardons.

At the very beginning of the show, they sent all of the dancers out at the same time for a “warm up” dance. What I don’t think they understood is that while women may be like volume knobs, men are like light switches. *Click*. . . .We’re turned on.

So the music builds and out prances a dozen beautiful women straight out of the Mattel catalog. While my friend Sean and all the other guys are out of their seats whooping and waving bills in the air, I find myself in a state of silicone shock.

Everything goes dark for a moment until I realize that one of the dancers has made her way over to my chair and is standing in front of me with her hands on her hips. Glaring down at me she sneers, “What, aren’t you happy to see me?”

As I’m quickly framing a suitable reply, she reaches back and swiftly removes her top. At this point several things happen at once. She grins, “How about now?”, the guys go crazy, and my IQ drops 100 points. *Click*

The suave/cocky reply I was forming in my head that would have made James Bond proud, “Of course I’m happy to see you. In fact we should see more of each other,” came out as. . . .

". . . .WOW. . . . .Jubblies!"

Unfortunately that wasn’t the last time I’ve had a dancer so overcome with laughter that she couldn’t continue.

Passing Thoughts

2007-05-02T21:22:00.000-07:00

Today is not just another day. Today is your day. Everyone has come dressed in their Sunday best and you are decked out in yours as well. All of the friends and relatives show up for your graduation. You’ve worked so hard and met the entire curriculum. Suddenly there it is, the thing you’ve worked all these years to achieve. . .your Death Certificate. Yes, you’ve completed a successful life.

Wait a minute!? That guy over there is getting his certificate too. But. . .but. . .he didn’t do the safe thing, didn’t follow all the rules. He was reckless, went with what he felt and followed his heart. He had huge successes, but huge failures as well. This guy went with his emotions, took risks, made mistakes and he gets the same certificate? That’s a bunch of crap! Shouldn’t you at least get to be valedictorian or something?

So what was the point of going through life and always doing the right thing, the moral thing, the accepted thing? Oh, right, it’s so that after graduation you get that corner office at Heaven, Inc. That guy over there is going to be working the grill at Hell Burger. “Would you like fries with your Harpy Meal?”

Hmm, but what about forgiveness? Sure you followed the straight and narrow, but even you had your share of mistakes. So maybe, just maybe life wasn’t about being perfect. So what was the point then? Well, the whole point of a graduation is to celebrate what one has learned. But how did you learn in life? It wasn’t like school where you had a professor and a text book. Hmm, it seems that from the time you were a baby you tried different things and when you failed, you learned from your mistakes. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . .oh, crap.

In your quest for perfection you quit taking chances. You wasted the majority of your life by not risking failure and learning the associated lessons. You’ve managed to scrape by with a “D” average and that guy over there has straight “A’s” with all the bumps and bruises to prove it. As the realization hits you, you silently begin to applaud him, for he is the true valedictorian.

Who said that?

2006-10-29T11:39:00.000-08:00

1. "Drive thy business or it will drive thee."

2. "The greatest thing about waking up in the morning is remembering I'm in love with you."

3. "I told my dreams, 'Lead on. . .I'll follow."

4. "Don't try to live with your mistakes. They make poor roommates."

5. "It's a great ol' life if you don't weaken."

6. "Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value."

7. "Hope is a waking dream"

8. " Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sun-dial in the shade?"

Luck Be a Tramp

2006-09-08T16:16:00.000-07:00

I’m anti-lucky.
I don’t mean unlucky.
It just seems that every bad omen for other people tends to be lucky for me.

For example, my lucky number is 13.
Friday the 13th. . . .always a really good day for me.

Chain letters/emails. . .If I forward them bad things tend to happen.
If I read all of the warnings and ignore them, good luck usually follows.

What’s your sign? My relationships where the zodiac said we were supposed to be compatible, guess again. With one girlfriend, our Chinese signs, zodiac signs, numerology, everything, said we were perfectly meant for each other. Well, the stars were full of crap. Horrorscope pretty well sums it up.

Stock market falls. . .I get a bonus. Stocks go up, so does my rent.
Lucky Charms. . .never any good (well, except with milk on Sat morning).
Even getting hit with bird bombs (4 times), while actually unlucky itself, always leads to something phenomenally great happening.

So if you see me strolling along in the rain, covered in bird crap, with a big grin on my face. . . .well, it’s probably Friday the 13th, I’ve met a completely incompatible girl, and received 1,000 threatening chain emails. (Oh, you might want to sell your stocks too.)

Yep, I think I’ll go open an umbrella inside, smash a few mirrors with it, make sure to knock over the salt and follow a black cat under a ladder while stepping on the cracks.

Oh! Look. . .a tails up penny!

Peaches 'n Dream

2006-09-05T19:07:00.000-07:00

Never give up on a dreamer who never gives up on their dreams.

Huh?! Wha?

2006-08-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

Some of my favorite sayings/questions/etc.

Questions:
Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does he turn?
If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?
Who was in the kitchen with Dina?
If a girl is laid in a tomb will she become a mummy?
How many times a day does she wear her Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini and are the dots or the bikini yellow?
Mulberry bush aside, would a monkey really chase a weasel?
Why did you sing Yankee Doodle after the first question?

Love and Sex:
You know that look? The one women get when they want sex? Me neither.
I can make love for eight hours. Of course this includes four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie.
She used to be snow white, but she drifted.
I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives eighty miles away.
When two hearts race, they both win.

Life:
You're only young once; but you get to be immature forever.
Measure it with a micrometer, mark it with chalk and cut it with an axe.
Never pass up the opportunity to keep your mouth shut.
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you're not.
What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now.
Judge yourself less on your mistakes and more on how you handle your mistakes.

The Snack Case (A Who Donut Mystery)

2006-08-22T22:18:00.000-07:00

My name’s Dick, Dick James and I’d always thought I was a super freak until that one fateful night she entered my life. I had just poured myself a scotch and was looking for something to eat. All I had were my chocolate snack cakes that I’d opened two days ago and hadn’t gotten to yet. Oh well, they’d do.

My door slid open and she came into my office smoldering like a lit cigarette. We’ll, maybe a lit joint. She was only 4’ tall.

She introduced herself as “Little Debbie”. She was decked out in a red dress slit so high I caught glimpses of her Hello Kitty underwear as she strutted across the room. She informed me she had been acting as Hostess at her annual pastry party when she was robbed.

I handed her a glass of scotch which she took, but didn’t drink. She was gazing at my Ding Dong with undisguised lust. It had been uncovered for so long it had started to harden, but it was all I had to offer. She accepted readily.

Talking with her mouth full she continued her story. Every member of her staff was responsible for creating at least one desert for the party. Evidently Twinkie, her 92 year old gay butler, was about to serve his famous Fruit Pie when the power went out. When the lights came back on her Donut Gems where missing.

I asked her if she had Chocodialed the police. She just laughed and said, “Sending cops to retrieve donuts was like sending a lesbian to find your girlfriend. You'd never be really sure what was actually eaten” She’d heard that when the chocolate chips were down I was the best in the business.

Against my better judgment I agreed to take her case. We drove out to her mansion at 69 Dolly Madison Ave.

The largest man I’ve ever seen answered the door. He was an albino close to seven feet tall with the classic body builder physique. Little Debbie introduced him as Frosty, her bodyguard. He informed me in a soprano voice that his Snow Balls had been taken in the theft as well.

I decided to interview the other staff to see what else was missing. I spoke with Twinkie first. He didn’t look 92, but rather in his mid-thirties. He was very well preserved. He informed us that all but one of Little Debbie’s Mini Muffins was also gone.

I didn’t know why someone would steal deserts. Little Debbie insisted that I try her muffin so I could understand what all of the fuss was about. It was so deliciously moist and warm that I spent at least a half an hour nibbling on her mini muffin. It was almost addictive. I needed to solve this case lickity split and get out of here.

Next I spoke with Suzy Q, the maid. Her contribution was Debbie’s Delicious Cup Cakes (a.k.a. Double D Cup Cakes). She suspected that they had not been stolen because of their size. I asked if I could see her Double D's. She reluctantly agreed and pulled them out. I quickly reached over and squeezed them gently. She gasped in surprise.

I turned to Little Debbie declaring, “Here is your thief.”

Suzy Q turned to run but was caught and held by Frosty. “How can you be sure?”

“After trying Little Debbie’s muffin I was pleasantly satisfied. Looking at the Double D’s I realized they were way too much for one person to enjoy. I’ve always felt that more than a handful is just a waste.

If you examine her Double D’s more closely you’ll notice they are a little too firm. I suspect if you open them up you’ll find your donut gems, snow balls and mini muffins. In fact if I’m not mistaken your little maid is the notorious Honey Bun. Wanted in 13 states for theft and prostitution. She and her partner Zoe Zinger are quite the Ho Ho’s.

So, Honey, why’d you do it ?”

Honey replied,” We only needed a few hundred more dollars for Zoe to get her sex change. I thought I could get something for muffin, then we wouldn’t have to pound cakes at the bakery anymore and we could run away together.”

Well that’s kind of romantic, but I think you’ve learned your lesson and Zoe is going to learn hers. . . .Honey can’t buy you a penis.

Hold That Prose

2006-08-15T16:58:00.000-07:00

This is a sappy beatnik love poem I wrote some years ago. Of course I've never been a beatnik, am rarely sappy and have only been in love. . . . .well, yeah. I really didn't think I would share it, but I happen to be in a beret wearing, goatee having, coffee drinking mood. So slap your bongo and prepare your fingers for snappy applause. . . . . . .

The Journey

I look into your eyes
And my soul is swallowed whole
I fall through the vastness of your being
Seeing beauty with no end
It is neither hot nor cold,
But comfortably numb
Wrapped in the blanket of music that is you
The music builds to a crescendo
And words are formed
You have spoken
And once again I see your face
You smile and my world is complete

*Disclaimer: I am not reponsible for persons, pets and/or body parts named "bongo" being slapped.

Wookie Nookie

2006-07-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

The death of my stand-up career:

I was sitting on the couch one night, when my girlfriend turns to me.

“I’ve been thinking about this comedy thing. Its kinda like when we have sex.”

Already I don’t like where this is going. “Yeah. . . . . .”

“Well, you get all excited right before, but then it’s over in two minutes and you’ll be going to get something to eat.”

Two minutes!?? Two Minutes!?! I decide to show her right then and there that I’m a lot more man than she thinks I am. . . . . . . . . . . .

4 minutes later (never underestimate me), I’ve got the munchies.

Then she says, “Yep, just like that, the audience will fake laughter and then have to tell themselves jokes later.”

But don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t always that bad. Most of the time she was worse.

Now, I never believed in Werewolves until I started dating this girl. It just so happened that her period was at exactly the same time as the full moon. I’m not sure how common this is, but I now have some idea of where the myth came from.

I kid you not, it was like something out of an “American Werewolf”, without the cool setting. I walk in the door one evening and there is this beast with the hairiest legs I’ve ever seen, slumped on the couch.

“Hi honey, how ya doin?”

These glowing red eyes slowly turn to me out of the darkness.

“I’m cramping and bloated like a blimp, ya jackass!”

I think this thing on the couch ate my girlfriend. So, now I’m scared (though there is a mental image of her big furry body floating over the Bronco’s game).

“Well, well is, is there something I, I, I can do to help?”

She looks at me again and attacks! She’s wrapped around me making the most gawd awful noises I’ve ever heard. Then I realize she’s crying. It’s horrible. . . .

“Huh, Huh, Arrrrrrrrrggg!”

Hmm, It’s not a Werewolf, it’s a Wookie. A Wookie ate my girlfriend.

Unfortunately, I said the last out loud. I thought she was going to tear out my throat.

“Get your ass back in the car and go get me some ice cream.”

So I headed to the store for Ice cream. . . . . . . and silver bullets.

Transfurious

2006-05-08T17:35:00.000-07:00

LADPW - "Hello this is Edith in Permits. How may I help you?"
W - Hello, this is Wes with ____. I have some questions on the required permits for two construction projects I'm. . . . . .
LADPW - Hold Please.

~no music~

LADPW - "Hello this is Edith in Permits. How may I help you?"
W - Yes, this is still Wes with ____. I have some questions on the required permits for two construction projects I'm currently working. First. . . .
LADPW - "I'll transfer you."

~ still no music~

LADPW - "Construction Division, this is Adam."
W - "Hello Adam, this is Wes with ____. I have some. . . . . . ."
LADPW - "Yes, Wes we have the permit packages you submitted, but we are still researching a couple of things. We are. . .blah..blah..blah."
W - "Well, thank you for your work on this. But I really have a question about what other permits are required for this project."
LADPW - "We have your street permit package."
W - "Yes, I know, but are there any other permits that are required prior to starting construction?"
LADPW - "I'm not sure, I'm pretty new here. I know you need storm drain permits, let me transfer you."
W - "Wait, I've already submitted to storm. . . . . "

~ Fine, I'll hum some music~

LADPW - "Flood Control, this is Henry."
W - "Hello Henry, this is Wes with ____. I'm hoping you can help me out with . . . . . ."
LADPW - Wes, Yes, Sorry about the confusion, but we misplaced your storm drain permit submittal. We've found it and everything is under control now.
W - "Um, yeah. Anyway I was hoping you could tell me what other permits are required before we begin construction"
LADPW- "I'm not sure, this is just Storm Drains. Let me transfer you."
W- "Wait, I. . . ."

~ Do, Do, Do . . .Do Dee Dee, Oh Mandy~

LADPW - "Land Developement this Sue. "
W- "Hi Sue, I'm trying to find someone, anyone, that can answer some questions about required permits."
LADPW - "Hold Please"

~". . . you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away. . . ."~

LADPW - "Hello this is Edith in Permits. How may I help you?"
W - *sigh* -click-

Immig-Rant

2006-05-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

During the Immigration Marches yesterday, I saw signs like, “We Are Workers, Not Criminals”, “Nation of No Justice, and “No Human Should Be Illegal”, but it is not the person themselves who is illegal. It is the illegal act they committed when they crossed the border. When a person’s first act upon joining a new community is illegal, one questions the sincerity of that person. So what do we change to make the act legal?

Now don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a small farming community that relied on “illegal” immigrants for a majority of the farming labor force. Most of the “illegal” immigrants I’ve known and grew up with, were the most polite, self efficient, hardest working people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Several are still close friends.

It all starts with what everyone in America sees as their Rights. We are all the time seeing some group or individual screaming about their Rights, but they never admit to failing in their responsibilities. With every Right that is granted by living in this great country, there is also an associated Responsibility. People tend to forget this part most of the time. A few examples:

Right - Freedom of speech – Yes you have the right to speak out about your thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Responsibility – What most people choose to forget is that they are responsible for the words that they speak. If those words incite a riot or lead to violence or death, the speaker is responsible, to a certain extent, for those outcomes.

Right – Freedom of press – The press has the right to report on current events and the public has a right to know what events are transpiring in their city/state/country.

Responsibility – The press has the responsibility to use “good judgment” in how and what they report. This is rarely the case. For example, the public has a right to know that one of our young soldiers died in Iraq. The press has the responsibility to respect the grieving widow/family and keep the cameras out of their faces.

Right – We have the Right to bear arms. We can own guns, collect them, target practice with them, pass them on as heirlooms, and use them for hunting food.

Responsibility – We have the Responsibility to understand that a gun has the power to take life indiscriminately. It is not used to try and shoot each other in the streets, taken to school, given to children, etc.

So, I propose that any citizen of the world has the Right to enter the U.S. and live here. However, they must also accept the Responsibility of building a better life for themselves and the entire country. This means, for example, no Welfare, no tax breaks, no food stamps and not having more children then they can support and care for. The hard working men and women I grew up around would have been ashamed to accept any of the previously mentioned hand-outs. If one can't help make things better, they just hinder those who are. There's no middle ground.

There is no room for the rude, violent, lazy, exploitative people in this country, whether they are immigrant or existing citizen. Pride in your country and culture is commendable and should be respected. Shoving that culture in other’s faces and inciting violence, such as the recent school riots is contemptible. While I don’t know every person or situation, I do know that the current system is failing both the U.S. and the immigrants and this failure is because of both the U.S. and the immigrants. Instead of trying to make the Great American Melting Pot boil over, let’s build a better pot.

All Shook Up

2006-04-24T15:24:00.000-07:00

I just finished retaking the seismic portion of my P.E. exam. What was the point of that odyssey? They ask one to solve for an unreal amount of information in a very short time, with little or no time to look anything up.

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t you want the person who is designing the buildings and bridges you will be using to take their time? I can just picture it. . .“Yep, I designed this 10 story office building in 3 minutes and 20 seconds, who’s moving in?. . . . . . .chirp. . . . .. . . chirp. . . . . . .”

All it proves is how much one can memorize. I can memorize the Gettysburg Address, doesn't make me qualified to run the country. Maybe they misunderstood and think we can only do the design during an earthquake.

The Logic of Love

2006-04-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

The Logic of Love – An experiment in Chemistry

Firstly there are two separate elements that are usually combined. The “female” and the “male”. It has been shown in previous experiments that these terms are extremely vague, as the properties of any one of these elements vary greatly. Note: Further classification may be required at a future date.

At the start each element is in an extremely agitated state. They undergo a process known as “dating” that can be very long and also alter the aforementioned properties. At some point a given element will meet a complementary element and the chemical reactions begin. These chemical reactions are called “Love”. It should be mentioned that the “Love” process is not just entirely chemical, however that will be expanded upon later. If the love is real, the single elements begin to understand that what they were living before is known as “half-life”. Some examples of real love versus “fool’s” love. Similar to “fool’s gold”, it has the outward appearance of real love, but is pretty much worthless.

Fool’s love – “I would die for you!”
Real love – “I will live for you”
Author’s Note (Biased): Dieing is easy, any fool can do it. But to truly live for someone, being there through all the good and bad, is much harder.

Fool’s love – Buys something expensive to try and please their partner.
Real love – Thinks of something personal and relevant to do for or buy their partner, for the joy it will bring.
Author’s Note (Still Biased): Thoughtful gifts are always the best. Expensive presents create more stuff to move, thoughtful presents create memories.

Fool’s love – Tries their hardest to make their partner happy.
Real love – Makes themselves happy while being with their partner.
Author’s Note (Yep, Biased): The one thing we want most for our loved ones is for them to be happy. Unfortunately, this is not something we can do for them and trying usually produces the opposite result. If we truly love each other, then making ourselves happy makes those who love us happy.

Once the process begins, often the elements themselves will actually try to alter the outcome of the experiment. Sometimes they will try to force a bonding between two incompatible elements. In other cases, two suited elements will try to prevent bonding for unimaginable reasons. In most cases each of these efforts proves futile. However, even two seemingly opposite pairs may be joined with the right catalyst.

At first love is a mixture. The chemical reactions occur mainly within the pair and not between them. As time increases either separation or a bond begins between the pair and increases exponentially. Once the bond is established the two literally become one. Some evidence of this can be seen by the following examples:

When half of the bonded couple dies, the other half does not long survive. They literally could not live without each other.

The female half (at one end of the house) yells at the male half (raiding the cookie jar at the other end), “You’ll ruin your supper.” She can often sense what he is thinking.

The male half feels ill in the morning and his feet begin to hurt. This is two weeks before he finds out his wife is pregnant. Often called a “sympathy pregnancy” he feels much of what his wife is experiencing. Strangely enough this seems to end abruptly before the actual birth.

In the opposite case when separation occurs there are often explosive results. If an inadequate catalyst was used, then the bonding was incomplete. As the pair begins to reject each other, the initial bond continues to draw them back together. This can be extremely damaging to both specimens. As the separation continues the tensile strength of the weak bond is usually pushed passed its limits and the bond ruptures dramatically. Though there is some damage to each of the elements, they are still completely capable of successfully bonding with another element in the future.

Final Author's Note: From my experience, love is not an experiment that should be tried in pieces. It doesn't have to make sense, it doesn't have to work, it doesn't have to be right. But if one should decide to fall in Love, they should do it with total conviction, total commitment and total heart. In the end you'll either be happy or wiser. Anything else isn’t logical.

Falcon and Sparrow

2006-04-08T17:47:00.000-07:00

A little rhyming children's story about potential, ambition, risk, trust and love.

Falcon and Sparrow

Once a Falcon landed
near a Sparrow on the wall
He noticed there was sadness
In her little birdie call

He asked her “Why so glum?”
To which she sobbed a peep
“I’m stuck here on this ledge
wondering if I should leap.”

The Falcon looked confused
‘till understanding lit his eye
“Do you mean to tell me
You don’t know how to fly?”

“I’ve never really tried,
I just sat there in my nest,
Until a spring wind blew me
Tumbling here to rest.

“Now I think that maybe
This is where I’m meant to be,
For if the world wished different
I’d still be in my tree.”

The Falcon only chuckled
And gave her some advice
“The world will always test you
be you mean, or be you nice.

“If you choose to meet
these things that cause you pain
You will find the sunshine
Hidden in the rain.

“But if you choose to sit here
Scared upon the wall
One way or another
You’re guaranteed to fall.”

The Sparrow thought a moment
And looked a little sick
“Maybe if you pushed me,
that might do the trick?”

The Falcon shook his head,
“The choice is yours to make,
I’ll not have you blame me
With all that is at stake.

“But this I can promise
to stand there on the ground
and if you decide to jump
I’ll see you safe and sound.”

So he waited at the bottom
To catch her should she fall
And watched her make her choice
As she leapt from atop the wall

Tumbling down she came
Sure she was going to die
And then her wings snapped open
And she swept into the sky.

She chirruped with the feeling
Of finally being free
The Falcon right beside her
Racing through the trees.

So they flew together
Off into the blue
The Falcon and the Sparrow
Friends forever true.